Letting Go Of Unforgiveness

 

One of the hardest things to purge is unforgiveness. We’re tempted to think that unforgiveness gives us power, when in reality, it keeps us a victim. Yet we keep clinging to our unforgiveness, convinced that doing so is fair. 

But as Jesus followers, we don’t focus on what’s fair. We focus on being faithful. And one of the most faithful things we can do is offer forgiveness, especially when it’s undeserved.

It’s not easy to forgive. But when we follow Jesus, the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in us. And His Spirit is strong enough to help us forgive those who have hurt us, even in the most horrendous ways.

So, when you’re struggling to offer forgiveness, consider this question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be healed?

You can choose to keep holding on to hurt, convinced that keeping score keeps you ahead. Or you can choose to forgive anyway, knowing that you’re never more like Your Father than when You forgive one of His kids.

This kind of deep work requires humility, honesty, and compassion for both yourself and the other person. And while forgiveness is not a magic solution that will fix all your problems, it does help you fix your eyes on your Father, who is guiding you, helping you, and cheering for you in the process.  

 

~From Deep Clean: Getting Rid of Shame, Toxic Influences, and Unforgiveness Devotional on YouVersion

 

Stay Encouraged and Be Blessed!

 

Forgiveness Is Key

 

Biblical forgiveness means cutting someone loose.

This word picture is one in which the unforgiven is roped to the back of the unforgiving. When we refuse to forgive, we bind ourselves to what we hate. When we forgive, we cut the person loose from our backs and set ourselves free as well.

Forgiveness can also be seen in terms of canceling a debt. In the Old Testament, when someone paid a debt, a notice of the debt paid in full was nailed to the lender’s door. That is what Jesus did when He was nailed to the Cross — our debt was paid in full and nailed to Heaven’s door. 

The first step to forgiveness is prayer. The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44). . . Forgiveness can be immediate. Trust is rebuilt through right behavior over a period of time.

In his book The Purpose Driven Life, pastor Rick Warren said, “Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior. Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.”

After a betrayal, trust can be built again over time. However, it cannot be built if the one betrayed continues to knock down the blocks of positive behavior with the bat of past offenses.

And what is the ultimate example of forgiveness? The way Jesus forgave you and me.  

~From Lovestruck: Discovering God's Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon by Sharon Jaynes

Stay Encouraged and Be Blessed!

Nineveh Is Not Just A City

©Not Mine. Freely.com

“When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord; And my prayer went up to You, Into Your holy temple. “Those who regard worthless idols Forsake their own Mercy. But I will sacrifice to You With the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the Lord.”

Jonah 2: 7-9 NKJV

I was reading Jonah, and as we know, (if you don’t check it out; it’s a short read) Jonah was tossed into a belly of a whale because he was being disobedient. He was supposed to warn the city of Nineveh of God’s impending judgment.

Jonah didn’t want to do that. He knew that God would take pity on them if they repented. And they did. And God spared Nineveh.

For his disobedience, Jonah spent three days and three nights inside a whale. A Whale! But once he saw how low he got, Jonah remembered the good things of God, and cried out to Him, begging for mercy. He was freed.

Jonah headed to Nineveh, and told them of their doom. The city of Nineveh fasted and prayed. They were spared.

Jonah wasn’t happy, but God does what He wants to do, when He wants to do it and how He wants to do it. Jonah had another hissy fit, but God made it plain. He does what He wants, when He wants and how He wants. I just thought I needed to reiterate that.

As I sat there hearing Jonah’s story being preached a couple of months ago, I realized that I act like Jonah did. No, I didn’t run from God and hide like he did but in my own way. I also walked in disobedience when God asked or required something of me. I would not walk in forgiveness with certain people.

But it wasn’t that I felt they did not deserve forgiveness. I felt they either would not change or they would beg forgiveness but would turn back around doing the same things all over again. Their behavior was like the city of Nineveh.

But just like Jonah, we come to a point that we need the forgiveness of God. It’s not about them. I know you have heard that before. And if you haven’t, well, it’s really not about them.

We need God’s forgiveness. He says that in order to get it, we must forgive those who have sinned against us. We have to forgive them, though they will yell and scream and fight again. You must forgive though she’s going to say the wrong thing again.

God is handling the situation and the perpetrators. And it might not look it, but they are being handled. And don’t worry about what God is doing to them. Be grateful that you are walking in obedience and most importantly, in right standing with God. Forgive them. Pray for them. Bless them.

Are you holding on to past grudges or hurts? Or maybe guilt? Let it go. You are hurting yourself.

Stay Encouraged and Be Blessed!

Receiving Forgiveness: You Can Be Forgiven

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

 Psalm 103:12

Walking In Forgiveness: Part 2 of Forgiveness Series

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

Colossians 3:12-13 NKJV

Dear those who do not believe in Christ (yet), this is not for you. This is for those who are struggling to forgive though they call themselves Christians. While you may be struggling, too, and I have no doubt that many of you are, but first you must seek salvation. So, thank you for the click, come back on a different day or read another of my posts. Though all are aimed at encouragement for those in Christ, you may get some things from it. Or ... or ... you can read this and store it in your memory banks for later, you know, after salvation.

There is an epidemic going on. More and more people are not walking in love or forgiveness with one another, let alone, strangers. Christ warned us this would happen. In Matthew 24:12, he stated "And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold." So today we have a lot of hurt and blase Christians running around because family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and churches, yes churches, have hurt them. Some have walked away never to return. Some left, but came back and are still hurting. And more are still hurt but forgave them. 

I started this blog because others have helped me down this path that I wanted to do the same. I know the difficulty it is to forgive someone firsthand. I have not gone through everything you've lost, but this is just to get you thinking. To plant a seed for God's army. I have seen the bitterness when someone cannot forgive another. 

Being unable to forgive someone changes you deeply. Bitterness latches on, and you can no longer trust a soul, not even God, despite all He's done for you. And bitterness is insidious. You never know when it will come out. The person that has hurt you falls upon some misfortune, despite knowing better, you cannot help but smile. Think of a celebrity you despise. Oh, so somebody came to mind? No, you are good. Think of a politician? Gotcha! Instead of cheering that Osama bin Laden was dead, we should have been praying for Christ to be able to get a foothold in al Qaeda. 

On one of my jobs, it was several weeks into the new year, and the office manager told me to tell the Christmas decorating committee that if they did not get rid of all the Christmas decorations that day, they would not be allowed to decorate the following year. When I passed on the information, the committee gathered around the office entrance, and instead of planning, they began to bicker. They complained that it fell to them to have to take it down, and they went on and on. I told them to stop complaining and take it down. My co-worker tried to reinforce what she was saying, but she got the hand and I told her none of that mattered, take it down. She was livid. But she kept her cool. She proceeded to ignore me for a few hours. She was covering my breaks that day. Since she was older than I, I immediately recognized that I had to ask for forgiveness. But she really could not forgive me. It took her some time, and quite frankly, I am not sure if she really did. To see that firsthand was an eye-opener.

I have had several eye opening events since then, and I totally understand the need to protect your heart, so to speak. What many don't realize it is terribly freeing when you walk in forgiveness. God will forgive us our trespasses if we forgive those who have offended us. That's in the Lord's prayer, except, you know, I paraphrased. We are to be imitators of Christ, and yet we continue to hold grudges and practice schadenfreude when those who have hurt us get hurt. We do not allow God to get vengeance on our behalf, instead we slash tires, put up billboards, and rewrite everything on their facebook profile. Or even worse, we prevent them from getting a job, despite the fact it could come back to haunt you legally. 

When I was on assignment in May, I met this co-worker who was having issues dealing with no-good so-called friends. I don't know what she had gone through, but her friends' disappearing, really hurt her, despite the fact she had a lot going on for her. There was lot I wanted to say but we were there to work, so I didn't get around to it. So, I am going to say here what I wanted to say to her.

You are unbelievably strong. You did the one thing that many don't even think to do. You turned to God. And sometimes friends turning their backs on you is something we all have to go through to get us to turn to God. It's painful. I do not disagree, but why give them that much control? It's been said that he who angers you, control you, but if you forgive them and move on, you will be surprised who God brings to the table. I used to handle a department at my former church. Despite all the grownups that were sent to help, but showed up with excuses, tardiness, or just did not show up at all, I left it to God. And I soon found myself surrounded with people who were interested and wanted to learn all that I could teach them. They all just so happened to be teenagers and children. I had a few adults, but mostly teens. Sadly, or maybe not, the skills that I passed on were transferable to the real world. A few of them have careers based off what they learned from me.

Being unable to forgive can turn you into a spiteful, hate-filled creature more ready to judge someone than to help them. And heaven please help you, if you cannot even remember the offense. God forgives us so we should forgive them. How many of us are always begging God for mercy and yet, we cannot be merciful to those who have hurt us? Then we wonder why we feel persecuted and ridiculed for our beliefs.  In Ephesians 4:1-3, Paul wrote: "Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace."

But really what it boils down to is what Christ said "Love your neighbor as yourself." If we practiced what we preached, we will get that back. Show mercy to someone, mercy will be given. Walk in forgiveness all the time, you will be forgiven. We need to be more like Christ. And for many of us, it takes a huge leap of faith. I came across a time, when no one could help me and I kept asking God why? I could think of hundreds of times that I had helped so many, but on this day, no help could be found. I decided I would exercise that faith of mine and said whoever you bring. I stopped calling people, and soon enough, someone asked what you need and did all they could to help me that day. I am eternally thankful to them and especially God because He is awesome. A lot of us would be mad at those who could not come through. Did you ever consider that God blocked them so you could depend on Him? But He does that so often! Well, you must not know that with God all things are possible, but first you must trust Him. For some people, it will be friends, family and other people they know who will come through. And for others, it will be who God will bring. I did not know this person who helped me. And barely knew the second person as well. But He brought them. He is awesome. And I am happy I took that leap of faith.

Streetwise AtheTypist basically breaks it down like this: Straight up, we all got those sometimin' half-steppin' friends. And let's not forget narcissistic family members and troublesome co-workers and horrible bosses. We got them. They need you for whatever it is they need you for. But when you need them, they are nowhere to be found or are trying to do whatever they can to take from you. But thank you Jesus, we have a God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or think. He is always there, and wants you to turn to Him, before even your husband or wife! He wants you to turn to him before Mama. All this hurt and busted and disgusted feelings and holding grudges, why? God is not like the people you dealing with. You are not alone. We all have been there, and can empathize, if not sympathize, but you should turn to God, and even if you did and turned to your family and friends, and no one helped then guess what? All the more praise to God, because He came through and nobody can say it was them. 

The church of Christ should be as Peter stated "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. (1 Peter 4:8-10) When sinners see this, they will come flocking. Yes, the church is filled with people working through their own struggles, but the one thing everyone should get after being saved is walking like Christ. Remember this: if that person who hurt you asks for forgiveness to God, and God forgives them, the least you can do is forgive them, too.

"And be ye kind one to another,

tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 

Be blessed and stay encouraged!

Happy International Forgiveness Day!

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.

Matthew 6:12

Today is International Forgiveness Day. I did not know that. How about you? It was started by the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. Check it out. Can you imagine if everyone forgave each other? Heaven on earth or as close to it as we gonna get.

Today, I was switching back and forth between not writing until next week, and just throwing up a bunch of scripture. Yeah, I know I was half-steppin', erhm, going to phone it in, uh ra, just being real lazy. Since 2007, I have had placed on my heart to write about those tough things: finance, walking correctly and forgiveness.  And have not done them because I knew they would not be received well by those closest to me. But since very few are reading this, I am going to do it for people who stumble on this, and if family, friends, and acquaintances read it and are blessed then thank you Jesus. If they don't, we deal with it when we get to it.

I know there are people who have learned to forgive and have done so, and do it daily. That was not a strength for me. When I first accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, I had a relatively good year afterward. The one who usually got on my nerves, I would calmly say "Bless you in the name of the Lord" and continue what I was doing. Nothing this person said had any effect on me. Fast forward two years, I was ready to choke them.

Throughout the bible, and particularly the new testament, it states we are to forgive, forgive, forgive. Christ said if we forgive others, our Father will forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). So my forgiving others is wrapped up in receiving God's forgiveness. Ergggh. I know a few of you feel me. But for the longest time, this has been a thorn in my side (sadly, it still is). Before walking in salvation, I believed people should know when they stepped out of line. And sometimes they needed to know loudly. There were people who needed checking, and choking. I could list so many instances, but I won't. At the beginning of having to deal with forgiveness, I was told time and time again, "Vengeance is mine." (Deuteronomy 32:35) That helped and I would calm down slightly. Then as time progressed, I would calm down more. I didn't forget, but I started to be less concerned and to just be. Holding a grudge just wasted energy and was troublesome.

I hear the but, but, buts you are thinking. Jesus told Peter, after he asked how many times he had to forgive his brother, to forgive seventy times seven. People are gonna offend you. There is the old Portuguese proverb: "as desculpas não se pedem, evitam-se" that is "you don't ask for apologies, you avoid them." But a lot of people were not taught this or it never occurs to them they have done something wrong. There are those who just out and out do it to annoy you, but 1) forgive and 2) let go. Psalm 118:8 tells you it's better to trust God than man. God is watching. He knows who is for you and against you. Even if your parents offend you daily, forgive them and trust God. Horrible bosses? Forgive them and trust God. Two-timing boyfriends or girlfriends? Forgive them and trust God. Unsavory co-workers? Forgive them and trust God. Are they gonna do it again? Maybe, probably. You are going to trust God and forgive them. 

Jesus gives you the blueprint and for happiness and the ultimate prize-heaven, you must forgive them. And then you have to take it to the next level--pray for them and ask God to bless them. Yeah, I've grumbled about it, too. In Matthew 5:44, Jesus said we must love our enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Doing this make you a child of God's and you know what happens to a child of God. They are blessed, duh.

What it boils down to is if you trust God, then when that friend or relative betrays you, you know that God will handle it. So instead of stressing over it, you pray for them, forgive them, and live your life. Is life going to be happy happy joy joy all the time? No. You are a soldier of God's army, fighting for his kingdom. Happy happy joy joy will come in heaven. Your fight may look like you are up against strangers and members of your own family, but it's not. It's against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12 NKJV). 

And that should make you mad. And it should make you more than willing to forgive. I mean seriously, how dare they use your child against you? The nerve of these demons in diapers! Want to stick it to them? Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Treat them like you want to be treated. When you practice eye for an eye, sure, you may feel good for that day or decade, but you never really got back at the source, and all the source did was flicker on to the next person. But when you listen to Christ and follow His blueprint, your enemy will be confounded, confused, befuddled, and worried. 

Before I got it, I always came across Christians (yes, Christians) who thought it was their duty to make life miserable for everyone they worked with. Don't be shocked, you know there's a few. No, they were not right or in order. They just made life miserable. When I talked with them, I learned several things. They went to church every single Sunday, and prayed. But it was lip service and they just prayed for their family. And when one decided to ensnare me, it was on and poppin'. But I began to pause and do just the opposite. I prayed for them and their family. I began to help the ones they would target. I prayed for the departments and the executives. I tried to be the balance and set the atmosphere until I left. And as much as they wanted to take me out, they did not because in their eyes I was on their side. Sneaky much? Yep. Can you do the same? Yes. Will it get easier? Yes and no. 

You will spot things quicker, but sometimes that baby demon becomes a toddler and you just have to up your game because they upped theirs. But you are not alone in this battle. Forgiveness just makes you stronger. And at the end of the day, it will be better in the long run. It's tough now, but it will be better, and don't forget that even in the storm, there are times when it will calm down. The rain will stop and the sun will shine forth.

I will speak more on this on another day. I believe this is a good start. How has forgiving others helped you on your spiritual journey? Is it still tough going? What have you learned that may help others?

Be blessed and encouraged!